


Today’s the day

by UnholyDarkness



Series: Wright to release [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Author is pretty much done, Christmas Eve, Depression, M/M, Suicide Attempt, part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 00:04:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20054758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnholyDarkness/pseuds/UnholyDarkness
Summary: Stiles finally get a moment alone after his first attempt and plans on succeeding this time.





	Today’s the day

**Author's Note:**

> It’s easy to forget about how you feel when you’re keeping busy. My best moments are when I spend the day with my sister and her friends, but at the end I always go home alone. I use to have someone. They said they would be there forever but I pushed them away. If you have someone in your life that wants to be around it’s hard not to sabotage it with your mind telling you at every turn that the person hates you and doesn’t really want to be around. But it’s a lie. If someone is in your life it’s because they want to be there. Don’t take them for granted. Because now I’m alone and I wish with everything that I have left that I could change what happened. I blame myself for what went wrong even though they left me because they said I changed too much. They didn’t feel like I was the person they used to love and I guess that true. But what truly matters is that yes I’m different because I found myself. Who I had been hiding from nearly all my life. I’m not afraid to be that person anymore and I refuse to change myself for someone who can’t accept who I really am. The hardest thing in life is to love yourself, but that’s okay because I love you. To everyone who is going through something like this, it will pass. You will move on even though it doesn’t feel like you can. Suicide is not to be taken lightly. Yes I’ve thought about attempting it, even more so recently, but I can’t give up and beg you not to either.

Stiles wakes up on the couch, covered in a throw blanket. The memories of the day before mull through his mind and make a deep pain settle in his chest. He thinks about having not answered that phone call. Going through with it anyway. 

If he had then he wouldn’t have seen Derek last night, who was sweet and gentle as he inspected Stiles’ wound. He wouldn’t have seen the concern in his eyes or the deep love that rested there.

Stiles felt nothing toward it. Sure, he loved Derek, he knows he does but it just didn’t feel like enough anymore. Day after day his thoughts and insecurities nagged at him, telling him that Derek could do better. That Derek should do better. They told him that he was weighing everyone down and that if he was gone then they would all be better off. 

He believes them. 

At school he tries to stay out of people’s way, dodging other students in the crowed halls, trying to make himself as small as possible to not bump into someone and inconvenience them. He avoids Scott like the plague. He can’t face his best friend knowing what he attempted to do last night. It was okay though because every time he saw Scott he was either with Kira or Isaac. 

Lunch would be different, because they all had it together, but the group would probably ignore him like they usually did. The first part of the day went by in a blur. He is surprised when he noticed his note book empty by the end of each class. He tried to focus on what his teachers were saying and take good notes, but the pages were just filled with small doodles and no highlighter at all. 

It didn’t matter because lunch rolls around and he packs his plate as usual. He slides into the bench seat, catching the tale end of his friends conversation. They were talking about the Christmas party Lydia was hosting tonight to kick off the start of winter break.

“You’re still coming, right?” Lydia asks him, eyebrow elegantly raised.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.” 

Getting drunk seemed nice. It was the only way to get the negative thoughts to leave him alone for a while. He didn’t much care for hang overs, but appreciated that they made his body feel as terrible as his mind.

“Awesome. So Derek is picking up the drinks, I will get the food and...”

Stiles only sort of listens as Lydia rattles on, just enough to know the game plan. By the end of lunch they all say goodbye, not a single one noticing that Stiles tray hadn’t been touched the entire time.

The party kicks off quickly, people showing up just as they finish setting up everything. It’s easy for him to relax, buzzing hard on his beer as he talks and laughs with Scott and Derek about stupid things. Derek’s arm is around his waist, fingers digging in slightly when the man laughs too hard at Scott’s jokes. It’s a truly beautiful thing to see and Stiles is momentarily glad that Derek will have someone like Scott to make him smile when Stiles is finally gone. 

Six beers in and Stiles can’t slow down. He knows he’s getting sloppy as the night rolls on but it’s easy to forget about what people think and simply enjoy the time he has left. 

“I’m glad you’re having fun.” Derek says, grinning at him, eyes shiny with his own drunkness. 

“It’s hard not to when you’re around.” Stiles loops his arms around Derek’s shoulders and rests his cheek to Derek’s. 

“You’ve been quiet lately. I was getting worried I had done something wrong.” Derek says right into his ear.

Stiles shivers, “you could never do anything wrong. You’re perfect.”

It’s important Derek knows this. He would hate for Derek to blame himself if something were to happen to Stiles. He doesn’t want Derek to ask why, if there was something he could have done or said because the answer is no. There isn’t a single thing anyone could do. 

The rest of the night goes well, he mingles with a few other people, trading laughs and stories. By the very end of the party it’s just him and the pack sitting around a dwindling fire.

Liam and Lydia sit on a long bench, Liam sleeping with his head on Lydia’s lap. Scott and Kira sitting on two lawn chairs, holding hands and Stiles and Derek across from the leaning on each other where they sit cross legged on the grass. 

No ones talking for the moment and everything is peaceful, then Stiles says, “I can’t believe how many stars are out right now.”

No one raises their head or says a word and it’s as if he said nothing at all.

The next few days go by quickly, filled with meetings with the pack, dinners with his father and a few shifts at the towns library, but it’s the following Tuesday and he’s alone again. It’s Christmas Eve and everyone’s with their families, Derek went to visit Cora at Stiles’ strong persistence, and his father is working.

It seems cruel to him to try this again on a day that’s supposed to be filled with cheer and good energy, but the thoughts are strong tonight. Everyone is happy without him, not one person wishing him a good Christmas Eve even though they know he’s alone. It’s fine, really, he would hate for them to take time out of their day just to say a few words to him. 

He’s sitting on the couch in the living room, pill bottle in one hand and his fathers whisky in the other. He washes down a few pills with the whisky, nearly gaging at the taste but doesn’t let it stop him, he keeps going, popping and swigging until both the pill bottle and the whisky are empty. 

His heart is fluttering in his chest, breathing quick and shallow. He thinks he’s going to be sick. He lays down on his back, body melting into the couch as his vision starts to blur. Suddenly he goes ridged and somewhere in the back of his mind a voice whispers ‘seizure’ and he comes to moments later, chocking on the vomit in his mouth, too tired to roll over. Besides he thinks, maybe it’ll be better if they think it was an accident. 

But then the front door is busted open and Derek’s suddenly in his face, shaking him, yelling at some other person to call an ambulance.

“Stiles? Stiles wake up.” Derek is smacking his cheek, lifting Stiles’ dead weight from the couch, presumably to get him to spit the vomit out.

“Let me go.” Stiles thinks he says but his ears are ringing and he barley feels his throat vibrate with the noise. 

“Stiles, come on no, no please. Open your eyes, Stiles!” Derek smacks him harder but he doesn’t open his eyes. He’s too tired.

He just wants to sleep. Distantly he can hear sirens and see flashing lights, but ignores them. As he drifts off he hopes he never wakes up again. 

He thinks of Derek’s distraught face and when he wakes up hours later in a hospital room he doesn’t know if he feel pissed off or relived.

**Author's Note:**

> Please talk to me if you are feeling overwhelmed and burdened. I will glad take the weight off your shoulder for a while. You don’t have to go through these things alone, I promise you.


End file.
